


Destaf

by yeaka



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warriors
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Ficlet, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 23:30:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16106048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeaka/pseuds/yeaka
Summary: Zelda has a great coffee shop, but her staff is A Problem.





	Destaf

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own The Legend of Zelda or any of its contents, and I’m not making any money off this.

“I’m sorry,” Impa says as Zelda rises from her desk, papers shuffling through her tired fingers. The frown that Impa wears is a familiar one: stoic but genuine. Zelda sighs in answer and shakes her head, then finger-combs her fraying blonde hair back into place. This whole quarter’s been a nightmare.

“It isn’t your fault, Impa. You’re a wonderful manager. The best I could ask for.” She backs it up with a hand on Impa’s shoulder, which seems to marginally melt through Impa’s harsh exterior. Zelda waits until her number two’s completely relaxed into her touch before she gently adds, “Some things just need to come right from the top.”

Impa nods. She looks unconvinced, but she doesn’t argue, and Zelda knows there’s nothing she can say that won’t make Impa feel responsible for their troublesome troops. The best Zelda can hope for is to straighten out those troops at the very source. Holding her papers to her chest and straightening into full authoritative posture, she decides: “I supposed we’d better start.”

Impa followers her faithfully out of the small office, down through the tiled hall and into the staff room, where their ragtag group of workers is already strewn about the various couches and chairs. Some of them have broken off into smaller groups, but the chatter dies instantly when they see her. Some of them straighten out, others hunch warily. Zelda clears her throat, but she knows she already has their full attention.

“I’d like to start by thanking you all for working so hard for the Hyrule Bean Emporium. We remain the dominant coffee shop in our district, and I’m sure that’s largely due to all of you.”

That earns her a few tentative smiles. Impa, standing silently behind her, definitely isn’t. A few people squint suspiciously, likely waiting for the other shoe to drop. Only Link remains expressionless. 

“However... we have several points where we could improve.” Volga snorts, then shuts right up; Zelda’s quite sure Impa must have shot him a glare over her shoulder. “Normally, I would do these individually, but as nearly every one of you needs some form of reprimand...” Ghirahim has the nerve to look scandalized, as though he’s the pinnacle of perfection and couldn’t imagine being told otherwise. 

Aside from Link, Marin’s expression is the mildest. Zelda starts with her, turning to say, “You’re a lovely person, Marin. I know quite a few of our regulars love you. But I’m afraid we’ve also had complaints that you’re making drinks too watery, and this isn’t a karaoke bar. Please make an effort to tighten your procedures and refrain from singing in the work place.” Looking suitably chastised, Marin sheepishly nods. Yuga snickers, and Zelda resists glaring at him, because she knows Impa will do it for her.

Next: “Agitha. Again, you’re very sweet. And I’m told you make a mean latte. ...But this is _not_ a place to coddle insects. If you see _any_ bugs, they need to be removed from the store _immediately_. I know your heart’s in the right place, but it’s unsanitary, and you’re scaring off customers.” Agitha’s face does something right between a wilt and a pout, but she doesn’t argue. Zelda’s quite sure this isn’t the first time she’s heard that complaint. Volga smirks at her; he’s probably joked about incinerating more than one of her little ‘friends.’

Zelda sternly tells him, “Volga, you scare off far more people.” His face whips back to her, affronted and instantly angry. “There’s no other way to say it: you have a bad attitude. Which does _not_ work in the service industry. Fix it or leave.” He _stares_ at her. She doesn’t think he’s talked down too often. But she’s not afraid of his temper, and she’s certain Impa isn’t either. When it comes to workplace tantrums, there can’t be too much forgiveness. She’s already told Impa that this meeting is Volga’s final warning: one more fiery outburst, and he’s out the door.

Now Ghirahim’s smirking at Volga, which makes it easy for Zelda to pick her next target. “Unfortunately, it seems that whoever Agitha and Volga don’t scare off, Ghirahim does. Don’t give me that look; you know you’re creeping people out. Keep your tongue in your mouth, or join Volga on the street.” Ghirahim’s haughty eyes waver into a burning glare, which is frankly more pleasant to deal with than when he thinks he’s being ‘smooth.’ She won’t be at all surprised if Ghirahim’s not around for their next meeting.

The last of the troublesome triumvirate is lounging on the couch opposite of Ghirahim, and Zelda tells him, “Yuga, just... stop. Stop it.” She doesn’t even know where to start with him. He frowns and hopefully knows she means _everything_. He’s a hot mess from head to toe without the ‘hot’ part, and she keeps her serious gaze on him until she’s sure he’s got the message.

Then she switches to Ravio, sitting in the corner next to Link, grinning brightly at Yuga’s problems. At least she knows where to start with this one. “Ravio, you can’t _rent_ travel mugs. You just can’t. It’s absolutely ridiculous. Cut it out. Start selling them properly or don’t try at all, but that is not how we make our rupees here, and I know I’ve told you that a hundred times.” Ravio opens his mouth and lifts his hand like he’s going to protest, but Zelda repeats a firm, “No.” So Ravio closes his mouth and pouts. 

The next one is the hardest. She feels truly guilty turning to Link, and she can see the tension in his shoulders as he straightens under her gaze. But for the sake of the other employees, she can’t let her voice sound too soft. She scolds him as she scolds the others: “Link... you need to start talking to customers. I’m sorry, but you do. You don’t need to have full conversations, but a single word of acknowledgement can go a long way. If you can’t do that... this just isn’t the job for you.” Link blushes. But he nods. She nods too and hopes he changes.

That leaves only one person. Finally, she turns to Lana, who’s on the edge of her seat with wide, ready eyes. Zelda opens her mouth. “Lana... you’re perfect. Keep up the good work.”

Lana blinks. She looks surprised, then honoured. Volga and Yuga openly sneer at her, while Ghirahim looks appalled. At least Marin offers her a friendly smile. 

To the room at large, Zelda concludes, “Again, thank you. While we’ve shown a dip this quarter in sales, we’re still number one, and with a few simple changes, I believe we can do far better next term. Now I’ll leave you all in Impa’s capable hands.”

Without another word, Zelda turns on her heel. She catches a flash of Impa’s tight, approving smile before she leaves.

She hasn’t left the hallway itself before the room behind her erupts in arguments, and she waits until she’s back in the management office before she lets out a weary sigh. At the end of the day, she’s really going to need a strong coffee.


End file.
